JoJo Fletcher Bachelorette Recap Finale: Finishing Moves
I'm not particularly excited for this week's episode; finales for The Bachelor franchise are typically anticlimactic and Lil Rodgers has been leading the pack all season. We'll see JoJo struggle with her emotions, Neil Lane plug engagement rings normal humans can't afford, and in this case the Brothers Bro. Let's see how they respond to an inverse of the situation with Bachelor Ben! I hope you had a drink in hand, because I'm already reaching for mine.
Lil Rodgers meets the Fletchers
JoJo is in Phuket weighing the pros and cons of her two remaining suitors. On her third outfit of the episode she visits her family to prepare them for the dates to come. She leads by talking about Ben because she can't stop/won't stop mentioning her heartbreaking ten week relationship. Lil Rodgers is first, and chooses an unfortunately drab outfit.
I like dressing down too, Lil Rodgers, but you should at least PRETEND to have a job when you meet your girlfriend's family for the first time.
He seems comfortable with the family, but unbeknownst to him, his likability is making Mama Fletcher nervous. She jumps directly to asking him to promise not to break JoJo's heart. He's caught off guard, but recovers in time to promise without breaking eye contact. Mama Fletcher tells JoJo she's concerned because everyone likes Lil Rodgers, but she means to say "he'll cheat on you". It's usually encouraging when people like your significant other, but not with this family.
Papa Fletcher comes up short of openly saying ten weeks on a reality show isn't enough to form a relationship, and Lil Rodgers fails to ask for his blessing.
Robby No Socks Meets the Fletchers
I see you still haven't managed to decide what temperature it is outside, Robby. Here's a good rule: if you have to leave more than 50% of your buttons undone, you're wearing the wrong shirt.
Robby's calmer demeanor seems to be winning over the family, culminating in his reminiscing about the first time he told JoJo he loved her. The Brothers Bro take JoJo aside to express their approval while Mama Fletcher avoids being mesmerized by the swirl in Robby's hair:
He said something during this scene, but all I could think about was one of those old fashioned ice cream dispensers. Dairy Queen, anyone?
I don't like Robby (or anyone else on this show) very much, but he straight crushes the blessing-asking. It looks like he actually practiced, and Papa Fletcher approves. JoJo reflects on the successful day before sending Robby away so she can change her mind back to Lil Rodgers.
JoJo Meets with her Family
Not a bad view when you have to contemplate life choices.
The Family Fletcher clearly favors Robby, and they rave to JoJo about his readiness and level of commitment. Her parents then inform JoJo that Lil Rodgers never asked for their blessing. The Brothers Bro, seemingly reformed for their second national television appearance, give JoJo sound advice. Naturally she begins crying, which prompts the family to backpedal and declare Lil Rodgers acceptable too. This is kind of a disaster, so I'll just drink for a bit until she stops crying.
JoJo Conducts her Final Interviews
JoJo meets Robby for their last time together before the final rose ceremony, and Robby wore short sleeves! I'm so impressed. He really is marriage material. He'll even save a few bucks over a lifetime together because you'll never have to wash any socks. They snog a bit, hit the beach, and snog some more. Discussing their future, Robby jokes about burning meatloaf, prompting JoJo to reference Wedding Crashers. Sadly, it goes unnoticed.
Back at the hotel room, Robby No Socks displays a weak slipper game:
Just not getting it done with those, Robby. Rookie mistake.
JoJo spends a lot of words saying she's confident in Robby because she's desperate for people to say "I love you" and he did, early and often. She's confident as she leaves, but I'm still pretty sure Robby is going to lose.
Flying along the coast of Thailand to visit the Former (failed) Pro Quarterback!
Lil Rodgers doesn't seem as delusional as Robby, which is good in real life but risky in the Bachverse. He and JoJo paddle a kayak into a lagoon, where JoJo confronts Lil Rodgers about his failure to ask for her father's blessing. She is not pleased.
This is JoJo's "if you don't get your act together, I have to pick Robby" face. I don't want to mess with that face, and neither should you.
JoJo keeps up the pressure, Lil Rodgers flails about ineffectually, and they leave without much of a resolution.
Later that night, Lil Rodgers tries to ease her concerns by promising to get on a knee. That seems to do the trick, and they snog before she says goodnight. We get sent back to Chris Harrison, who reveals (to me, anyway) that Bachelor in Paradise premiered last night! What?! I thought I had a break coming up! Someone at least tell me it's only a one-hour show. Please? Noooooo!
Neil Lane and ABC Set Unrealistic Engagement Ring Expectations
"I'm so glad you're here to make buying a rock this size possible for a Former Swimmer!" - Robby, probably
Robby No Socks wears his favorite confused outfit to visit Neil Lane, and they talk about rings. They're big, they're shiny, and that's about it for this segment. Just play the Drinking Game while you wait.
Lil Rodgers uses his morning to call Mama and Papa Fletcher and ask for their blessing. They grant it, and he sits down to write a letter just like Robby did. The real question, of course, is how well they're written. Do they remind me of my required English credit at Arizona State, where I conceded defeat during peer editing and just added a couple commas because I didn't want to re-write an entire paper?
While JoJo and her suitors read their letters in voiceover, we learn that Robby does not feel compelled to wear socks even with a full suit. I just can't support this. We get a bunch of shirtless shots before both men head to the Proposal Pedestal, rings in hand.
First out of the car, and therefore the loser, is...Robby with Socks! Wait, Robby put socks on in the car? The production crew MUST have instructed him to do so for dramatic effect. Look at this before and after:
Nice try, ABC, but you can't slip a crime of fashion past me that easily.
Suddenly Socked Robby arrives as confident as ever despite it being much too early for a sunset proposal. He launches right into his spiel, and JoJo begins crying before turning him down. Her breakup skills need some work; repeatedly telling someone "I wanted it to be you" won't make them feel better. Robby makes a graceful enough exit, and JoJo tries to put herself back together to receive another proposal.
JoJo gives herself an effective pep talk and returns to the Proposal Pedestal to await Lil Rodgers. He proposes, they say "I love you" a lot, and that's a wrap! JoJo and Lil Rodgers are the lucky recipients of true love from Season 12 of ABC's The Bachelorette.
This episode tallied 129 drinks according to the QQ Bachelorette Drinking Game, mostly because JoJo and Lil Rodgers couldn't stop saying "I love you" in the last two minutes.
