The Bachelorette Drinking Game Analysis and Updates: Halftime Adjustments
Alright everyone, we are now five weeks and six episodes into JoJo's quest to find true love. I can't objectively say how she's faring; she seems to have picked her favorites (Jordan and Luke), but the show's track record makes me fear she never stood a chance of making progress towards a long-term relationship.
What she has done is help us refine the rules of our drinking game. After a slow start, our special rules (WaterFalling in Love and Sloppy Snogging Seconds) kicked into high gear, pushing the drink rate up to nearly one per minute of show time. If you're thinking "Truck, that's far too many drinks for a Monday night television show!", I respectfully disagree. This show requires at least that many drinks and the levitation of disbelief to inspire emotional engagement.
Of course, a Drinking Game on Questionably Qualified is never a finished product. Shows and their casts change, new rules are suggested, and accommodations must be made. For the first six episodes of this season we played with the rules you see here:
The Questionably Qualified Bachelor/Bachelorette Drinking Game
1 Drink every time:
- Anyone says, “The Right Reasons”
- Chris Harrison makes an appearance
- A female cries
- A contestant uses a version of "falling" (in love with, for, down some stairs)
- Someone is unnecessarily shirtless (you be the judge, but think Alex in a room full of shirted guys)
- They show the first snog of the episode
2 Drinks every time:
- A male cries
- Someone reads poetry
- The Bachelor/Bachelorette uses a version of "falling"
- There's a private concert
- A contestant says "I love you"
5 Drinks every time:
- A contestant voluntary walks off the show
- The Bachelor/Bachelorette says "I love you"
10 Drinks (highly unlikely) if:
- A physical fight breaks out
- Anyone confesses to fornication
Special Rules:
- WaterFalling in Love: Each contestant after the first who the Bachelor/Bachelorette claims to be “falling in love” with is two additional drinks (3, 5, 7 [cap])
- Sloppy Snogging Seconds: First snog of the episode is one drink; each additional snogging partner increases the drinks by a factor of 2 (1, 2, 4, 8 [cap])
- Rose Roulette: Every player must select one contestant to go home at the beginning of each rose ceremony. If you are correct, you give out two drinks. If you are incorrect, you drink.
As I mentioned above, these rules proved effective, particularly in recent episodes, with JoJo attempting to snog for the cycle and "falling for" everyone she talks to. In the endless pursuit of perfection, we'll be making a few changes:
First, we're reducing the acceleration of our special rules. They help emphasize the sheer volume of saliva swapped and the absurdity of falling in love with a handful of people in the same week, but the result is extreme drink clustering around group date cocktail parties. Both rules will now increase sequentially, with the first occurrence worth one drink, the second two drinks, and so on.
Second, we're consolidating some of the smaller rules to make them easier to remember. Crying is worth one drink regardless of gender, the "falling" rule applies equally to the Bachelor(ette) and the contestants, and we're removing the "first snog" rule because it's accounted for in the Sloppy Snogging Seconds rule.
Finally, we're adding two rules to provide a smoother drinking experience: one drink every time someone says "connection", "relationship", or "closer to", and one drink every time the people on camera raise their glasses for a toast. This should goose the numbers during the lulls we've seen on group dates.
Behold, the new and (hopefully) improved rules:
The Questionably Qualified Bachelor/Bachelorette Drinking Game
1 Drink every time:
- Anyone says, “The Right Reasons”
- Chris Harrison makes an appearance
- Anyone cries
- Anyone uses a version of "falling" (in love with, for, down some stairs)
- Someone is unnecessarily shirtless (you be the judge; think Alex in a room full of shirted guys)
- Someone says "connection", "relationship", or "closer to"
- People raise or clink their glasses for a toast
2 Drinks every time:
- Someone reads poetry or plays the guitar
- There's a private concert
- A contestant says "I love you"
5 Drinks every time:
- A contestant voluntary walks off the show
- The Bachelor/Bachelorette says "I love you"
10 Drinks (highly unlikely) if:
- A physical fight breaks out
- Anyone confesses to fornication
Special Rules:
- WaterFalling in Love: Each contestant after the first who the Bachelor/Bachelorette claims to be “falling in love” with is one additional drink (1, 2, 3, 4 [cap])
- Sloppy Snogging Seconds: First snog of the episode is one drink; each additional snogging partner increases the drink count (1, 2, 3, 4 [cap])
- Rose Roulette: Every player must select one contestant to go home at the beginning of each rose ceremony. If you are correct, you give out two drinks. If you are incorrect, you drink.
Hopefully these tweaks improve the experience as I'm envisioning they will. Regardless, you can rest assured we will continue making adjustments until we find the proper alcohol consumption for maximum appreciation of the inanity of the proceedings.
Drinks by Rule and Episode (Original Rules)
Drinks by Rule and Episode (New Rules)
