Bachelor in Paradise Recap Episode 10: Everyone Says "I Love You"
Only two episodes remain in this season of Bachelor in Paradise. ABC has already announced Nick as the next Bachelor, so it's hard to see his relationship with Jen working out, but there are still twelve delusional contestants with a chance to rush into an engagement before returning to real life. The stakes aren't high, but if you play our Drinking Game and squint hard enough, you might think they are!
At the Paradise Pad
The couples have begun stressing on the morning of the final rose ceremony. Tiara, apparently known as a chicken enthusiast, arrives with a date card and is approached by Nick. Jen is not pleased, but receives a nice surprise when Nick reveals he was able to talk Tiara into giving them her date card. Well played, Nick! Knucks to you.
One-on-One Date: Nick and Jen
Our couple strolls through a carnival, playing various games before sitting down with a fortune teller. She seems shockingly well-informed, warning the couple about hesitance. Nick does his best to ease Jen's concerns, and I feel for the guy; if people kept badgering me to open up after knowing me for mere weeks, I'd be a little irritated. In any case, they snog and head back to the Paradise Pad happy.
Back at the Paradise Pad
Josh makes his enjoyment of yet another pizza known through a series of moans while Lauren schemes to get some time with Brett. It seems to be working; Brett is interested in getting to know Lauren better and plans to give her his rose. He takes Izzy aside and slowwwwwly places her in the friend zone. Izzy takes the news hard and packs her bags to catch an early ride home while reminiscing about her time with Vinny. She calls him on her way to the airport and apologizes sincerely, offering to fly directly to Florida. Unfortunately for her, he viewed her abrupt change of heart as a reflection of her character, and he turns her down. There's a lot of crying.
Tiara makes a strong play for the attention of any males in the vicinity by enjoying a plate of chicken wings on the beach:
Her timing could be better, but she's blatantly demonstrating value her competition lacks.
The Cocktail Party
Wells is clearly the figure of interest, having fielded advances from Ashley, Shushanna, and Jami. Jami uses her one-on-one time to ask some polite questions about his past and snog her way closer to a rose. Ashley "knows in her heart" she likes Wells more than Jami does. Newsflash, Ashley: you like ANYone you like more than ANYone else because you're obsessive. She expresses her concerns to Wells and gets a little snog. Shushanna is not handling the competition well and storms off down the beach. Her ploy works initially, as Wells follows and strikes up a conversation. In the end, Wells isn't interested enough to talk her out of it. Shushanna, or "Shoo", cries and goes home. Here's a reacp of her time on the show:
Couldn't help but work in some South Park Chinpokomon! No one wanted that Shoe, either.
The Rose Ceremony
Nick, secure in his relationship with Jen, happily speculates on Wells's quandary:
"But uhh...tonight my guess is mostly about Wells. And I don't know what he's gonna do. In some ways I feel like it's a coin flip for Wells. So...we'll see what happens!" Laughing at the difficult situations of other contestants would be my favorite thing to do in Paradise, too.
- Josh gives Amanda a Thanks-For-Eating-Out-of-the-Palm-of-My-Hand Rose
- Nick gives Jen a Please-Stop-Asking-Me-to-Open-Up-Let's-Just-Go-to-the-Fantasy-Suite Rose
- Grant gives Lace an I've-Come-Too-Far-To-Run-Away-From-Crazy-Now Rose
- Evan gives Carly an I'm-Glad-You-Came-Around-on-Me-it's-So-Romantic Rose
Brett chooses to go home rather than give his rose to someone he doesn't have genuinely strong feelings for. Good for you, Brett.
- Wells gives Ashley an I'm-Too-Wimpy-to-Send-Away-the-Most-Fragile-Woman-on-This-Show Rose
Screw you, Wells. I find you generally amiable, but keeping Ashley on this show makes me strongly dislike you right now.
That means Lauren, Tiara, and Jami are headed home this week, continuing the Bachelor franchise's poor success rate for minority contestants. I feel like I've said that before...at least Grant seems to be doing well!
The Next Morning
Chris Harrison explains the next steps to the remaining five couples: each pair comfortable moving forward will leave the Paradise Pad and go on a one-on-one date with the option of a Fantasy Suite at the end.
In various states of panic, the contestants separate to prepare for their dates. Carly, in an emotional state, levels a serious threat.
"Last year...I didn't see it coming, I was blindsided. If Evan did that to me, I would chop his balls off." Whoa, pump the brakes there Carly! That's excessive for a short-term relationship!
The men discuss Wells's prospects with Ashley (she's a virgin, in case you forgot she once had a defining trait other than "crying") while she does the same with the women. Wells is understandably concerned with the idea of taking a highly emotional woman who has been saving herself to a Fantasy Suite. Ashley approaches him, and he uses the opportunity to joke about how unrealistic an engagement would be for two people in their position. She does not think it's funny, but tries to play it off like she agrees:
I don't know how it could ever be useful to the general population, but this is the look of a desperate person who was just talking about getting engaged after you laugh at the idea of getting engaged. Do with this information what you will.
Having explained his reasoning, Wells tells Ashley he's going home. She retreats to the women's side of the Paradise Pad to cry and pack her belongings. Farewell, Ashley; I, for one, will not miss you.
Grant tries to rationalize Wells's decision while eating something (it sort of looks like crab?) with only a knife. Whatever it is, I support his decision to go without rather than spend time seeking out a fork on vacation.
On vacation, you can eat any dish with any utensil you want, if you bother to use utensils at all. It's in the rulebook!
One-on-One Date: Grant and Lace
Strolling through a local market, they come across bracelets with "Grace" printed on them. This is significant because they chose that nickname back when Vizzy was a thing. Just kidding! It's not significant.
Apparently hearing my mocking laughter, they visit a tattoo shop. Grant mistakenly goes first, but Lace eventually gathers the courage to sit through the process as well. Knucks to you both for going through with it, no matter how ill-advised or tequila-inspired it may have been!
Grant wears a suit to dinner, but decides to go without socks, something I still can't support.
Does anyone else see this and think "oh man, someone accidentally mixed up their pants with Grant's, I bet they're so long on him!"?
Lace dances around the magic words at dinner, but finally says "I love you" in the Fantasy Suite. They close the door to hide their celebratory bible study from the cameras.
One-on-One Date: Jen and Nick
My personal favorite couple on the show make a respectable attempt at paddleboarding in the ocean, which naturally leads to snogging in the surf. Jen continues pressing him to open up, to little avail.
At dinner, Jen initiates the difficult conversation of what will happen after Paradise. Nick's response is good enough to move on to the Fantasy Suite, where they enjoy a bottle of champagne in a hot tub before moving indoors to catch the nightly news.
One-on-One Date: Carly and Evan
Continuing Carly's streak of weird dates, these two do an odd form of body painting in a park, using their bodies as brushes on a pair of large canvases. It looks like more fun than a habanero kiss, anyway.
After getting cleaned up, Carly delivers an adorkable speech to Evan, who responds by saying "I love you" (drink!). Carly reciprocates, and they snog in front of their untouched plates.
It's great that you love each other, but your food is getting cold you ninnies! Where are your priorities?!
The happy couple retreats to the Fantasy Suite for a night of charades, tea, and crumpets.
One-on-One Date: Josh and Amanda
Josh approaches a group of children playing soccer in a park in an effort to demonstrate his level of comfort around kids to the outwardly kid-focused Amanda. He asks more about her daughters in the slightly awkward manner of someone asking out of obligation rather than curiosity.
Progressing to the Fantasy Suite, they fall into their usual pattern: Josh says nothing of consequence and Amanda responds to it like the works of Lord Byron. He says "I love you", she reciprocates, and they snog before closing the blinds to get down to some hardcore pillowfighting.
TO BE CONTINUED
This episode amassed 74 drinks based on our Bachelor in Paradise Drinking Game Rules. I hope you were prepared when five new people said "I love you" in the last five minutes!
