The Bachelor Recap, Nick Viall Episode 2: Liz Finds Closure
With awkward introductions and one rose ceremony behind them, the 22 remaining women can breathe a bit easier. Nick will have his hands full trying to remember their names, and he only has nine more episodes to decide which to propose to; let's see who stands out in the first week of "normal" competition!
At the Bachelor Mansion
After speaking with Nick somewhere between zero and two times, the contestants are unanimously "crushing on" Nick, really attracted to Nick, or even falling for Nick. I didn't know anyone still used "crushing on", but it was Corinne; I also didn't know adults had nannies, so perhaps she's the black swan event of this season.
Chris Harrison drops in to explain the rules of the game to a group of people almost certainly familiar with them, and to drop off the first Group Date card. Corinne, Vanessa, Sarah, Alexis, Hailey, Lacey, Brittany, Jasmine, Raven, Danielle L, Taylor, and Elizabeth W. will be kicking things off. They immediately set off for three identical convertibles in the driveway, but it seems unsafe so soon after this scene:
Look, I'm not going to tell someone not to drive after one mimosa at brunch. But there's no food on that table, and you know they weren't eating much in the week leading up to their national television debut.
Group Date: Wedding Photo Shoot
Nick gives a nice pep talk to the ladies about dealing with the awkwardness of a group date, and explains that they'll be taking wedding photos. Dresses are distributed by a "renowned" photographer wearing this:
This is why you can't have nice things, pretentious art community.
During a round of makeup and mimosas (good move there, ABC), Corinne can't stop talking about kissing Nick the night before and kissing Nick again. It doesn't make her many friends, nor does her relatively revealing wedding "dress". Her celebration is ruined, though, when Brittany arrives.
For her many faults, Corinne is a pro at throwing shade. I wonder if her nanny helped her develop her technique.
The photoshoots commence with one contestant at a time while the others continue drinking and look on judgmentally. Some are nice about it and some are critical, but I'll give them all knucks because drinking and observing your surroundings is one of my favorite pastimes.
Not enough for all of you this early in the season, you'll just have to share.
There is a 100% chance this combination of day-drinking and objectification will lead to additional crying and in-fighting. Jasmine makes a move for a kiss during her shoot, which triggers a series of snog sessions as no one wants to lose any ground.
Taylor, in the "Princess" shoot, wants to take a slower approach, but winds up snogging with some encouragement from the clown with the camera. Corinne, crazy, insecure, and under the influence of multiple mimosas, is freaking out.
She isn't put at ease when Brittany and Nick do their "Adam and Eve" shoot, and is the only one to remain seated when rest of the contestants applaud their nearly-naked competition. Her insecurity naturally leads to strong decision making, and she takes her top off in her photo shoot in an attempt to keep pace. Nick looks...uncomfortable.
The face of a man realizing holding one topless woman is making the other 11 women on the date very unhappy. Been there, right guys?
Partly because she removed her top and partly because this photographer looks about as credentialed as our 45th President, Corinne wins his blessing for the competition. There's no rose involved, so I have no idea what the victory represents. To their credit, none of the remaining contestants seem to care.
The Cocktail Party
Corinne would be digging herself a grave by being crazy and coming on too strong with a normal partner, but at least she's providing fabulous entertainment value. She's already falling for Nick, and will soon be falling over if she doesn't throttle down the booze boat.
“Nick held my boobs today (true). Like, he held my boobs (true). Okay? No one has ever held my boobs like that (possible). No one ever will (blatant lie)!”
Raven makes a move and interrupts a snog with Lacey, then kicks off a standard first date conversation with Nick. It's nice, it's normal, and it includes enough fast-talking to suggest it's a candid conversation. Knucks to you, Raven.
As Corinne continues interrupting his conversations, Nick seems to be slowly remembering how to recognize crazy eyes, and physically backs away from the conversation slightly. When she returns to the group, she starts throwing shade around at random and signs off with the classic self-cheers. I guess you don't have to drink for the Drinking Game if she's the only person cheers-ing, but I did just out of principle.
Taylor gets some one-on-one time with Nick and explains her impressive educational background before Corinne (who else?) arrives to interrupt. As is tradition, neither Nick nor Taylor asks her to wait her turn; after briefly stepping away, however, Taylor returns to steal the steal! Corinne is hypocritically and predictably livid, and later attempts to obliquely broach the subject with Taylor. An awkward silence ensues, which Corinne breaks herself because she has no grasp of social cues. The silence continues.
Her antics were enough to win her the Group Date Rose, somehow, so Nick is going to be in a world of trouble with the rest of the contestants. Corinne continues talking to no one in particular and no one in particular responds, this time signing off with "XO, XO, Gossip Girl". Is that a thing? Was that a thing when Gossip Girl was a thing? Quick Google break - Gossip Girl was a thing from 2007 to 2012, so even if was a thing, it almost certainly isn't anymore.
Back at the Bachelor Mansion
The ladies left off the group date card nervously discuss their prospects, and Danielle M. receives the first One-on-One Date card. The highlight of this segment is definitely whatever this garment is. Need some help, internet sleuths:
I get that it's supposed to be a hoodie, but it's a dreadful hood. Seriously, the edge of it looks like the waistband of a pair of boxers.
Liz rehashes her secret for the confessional camera because the producers won't let the story die. Liz, inexplicably looking to confide in someone, chooses Kristin, who promises not to say a word. Luckily for Liz, everyone on this show is working toward a common goal and would never betray such confidence. No chance this backfires!
The Morning After
Corinne regales Lacey with the tale of last night, even though Lacey was very much there. She could be doing it in a not-so-subtle attempt at intimidation, but I think she can't remember who was and was not on the date with her.
One-on-One Date with Danielle
Nick and Danielle take a helicopter ride to a yacht, where they enjoy champagne and a cheese board. They bond over their shared Wisconsin roots and spend some time in a hot tub before heading off to dinner.
Nick rehashes his history with the Bachelor Franchise, which helps Danielle open up about her own past. She was engaged, but her fiance died of a drug overdose over five years ago. Nick acquits himself admirably responding to the very uncomfortable conversation. When it's over, he gives her the One-on-One Date Rose and they end the date with a snog on a Ferris wheel.
Group Date: Museum of Broken Relationships
I don't know if this is the first time the franchise has ever visited a museum, but it's absolutely the most fitting museum theme they could have chosen. Kristin, Josephine, Astrid, Jaimi, Christina, and Liz are accompanying Nick. The show is still focused on Liz finding time to confront Nick about their history while their uncomfortably large pack stops to admire the enormous engagement ring Nick donated:
For some reason, everyone acts like Nick actually paid for it himself, imbuing it with some great meaning to him. C'mon people.
Suddenly, the group hears an intense argument break out between a couple in another room; it's soon revealed to be staged, and our contestants learn they'll be breaking up with Nick in front of a live audience. Liz is disappointed because she hoped for a chance to discuss their 9-month old one-night stand on a group date. I've never been on a group date myself, but I'd have lower expectations for quality time on a date with six other people.
After a few demonstrations, our contestants get their turn to perform. Here goes:
- Astrid mocks the polyamorous nature of the show before breaking a rose over her knee *gasp!*
- Kristina, the dental hygeniest, breaks up with Nick over a failure to floss in the morning
- Jaimi lists a series of concerns: doing the dishes and laundry, not cleaning the sink after shaving, etc.
- Kristin sticks with the classics, accusing him of fat-shaming her
- Josephine straight slaps Nick in the face and blames it on Nick's alcoholism, which he plays off pretty well! Knucks to you, Josephine
- Liz lays out her background with Nick in front of everyone, and there's a wonderful moment where you can see Nick consider making a joke in the middle of an authentic feelings spill riiiiiight...THERE:
"I've been hurt, and I wasn't ready to let you fully in." Seriously, are we not doing phrasing anymore?! Sounds to me like you did, Liz!
Cocktail Party
An uncomfortable Nick makes his rounds with the Group Date contestants, but whether it's a result of the editing or Nick avoiding difficult situations, he waits to talk to Liz last. In his conversation with Christen, he learns Liz has told at least one other contestant; he tries to tell his side of the story, and finally moves on to discuss the situation with Liz directly.
Nick takes Liz aside to discuss their next steps and is immediately stonewalled.
Pictured: the face of someone not interested in a two-way conversation.
She does her best to explain her motivations for coming on the show, but Nick doesn't seem to be going along with it. He ends the conversation by sending Liz home, and walks her out before returning to the Group Date determined to be open about his history with Liz. He acknowledges that they had sex at Jade and Tanner's wedding, but before we get the reactions we get TO BE CONTINUED!
This episode tallied 60 drinks according to the QQ Bachelor Drinking Game. Right on target! Feel free to follow us on Facebook for new content, and we'll see you next week!
