The Bachelorette Recap - Rachel Lindsay Episode 4: Drama, Drama, Drama
When we left off two weeks ago, Lee was antagonizing an already-on-edge Eric, Jack Stone was smiling his way into our nightmares, and Kenny the wrestler was keeping the show lighthearted for all of us. Peter and Bryan still seem to hold a comfortable lead, but let's see who, if anyone, can usurp their positions in Week 4 of Rachel's season of The Bachelorette!
The Rose Ceremony Cocktail Party
Jonathan of the giant hands prop spends some time outside with Rachel while Eric confronts Lee inside. After laughing off Eric's request to stop talking about him, Lee admits to the camera he enjoys pissing people off. Lovely.
Lee lurks for a bit before interrupting Kenny the wrestler during a relatively serious conversation, prompting a head shake and this face from my favorite contestant:
I agree, Kenny. His behavior is almost as unbelievable as the show's pretense that someone will punch him for it.
Meanwhile, Dean gains some fan points (from me, anyway) with this interaction:
“I just think Lee’s kind of a...bitch? The only people I’ve seen Lee pick fights with have been not the people he’s used to seeing on a daily basis, from a cultural perspective.””
“What do you mean?”
“You know exactly what I mean, when I say that. The longer Lee sticks around, the more everyone will become aware of his intolerance.”
Bryan attempts to distance himself from the drama and deepen his connection with Rachel, to great effect; Rachel's only hesitation is saying "you're so charming it scares me." They snog.
Kenny takes Lee aside to attempt a reasonable conversation, but he's chosen the wrong audience. Lee responds with a blend of feigned confusion and indifference, Kenny raises his voice, and they walk off in different directions. Here's a smarmy face and it's accompanying smarmy quote:
"Number one way you can piss somebody off, is you just laugh at 'em and make a fool of 'em." I think Lee took diplomatic cues from King Joff.
Despite Peter's efforts to distract Rachel from the negative energy swirling around the Bachelor Mansion, she eventually seeks some time to herself and acknowledges feeling additional pressure as the first black Bachelorette. To the rescue rides Chris Harrison (drink), who calls the boys into the Rose Ceremony. I doubt I'm alone in hoping Lee gets sent home, but that would be an unusually expedient exit for a pot-stirrer so useful for ratings.
This Week's Survivors: Eric, Anthony, Alex, Will, Dean, Jonathan, Peter, Adam, Bryan, Matt, Josiah, Jack Stone, Iggy, Kenny (woohoo!), and Lee (boooo)
Jack accepts his rose with the uncomfortable-looking smile he flashes so frequently:
Someone tell this man he can dial it back! Maximum effort is a great catchphrase for Deadpool, but a troubling adjective for a smile.
Heading Home: Diggy, Brady, and Bryce
The Next Day
Everyone seems oddly optimistic that a change of venue will magically erase the drama in the house, because clearly the location was the source of their problems rather than the nature of their competition for one mutual romantic interest. Maybe they should try Sedona; I'm told the crystals and vortexes there can solve all kinds of things.
One-on-One Date: Rachel and Dean - Let's take our love to new heights
Dean and Rachel share a Jeep out to a nondescript location and set up a picnic seemingly made up entirely of champagne. I thought picnics were more involved when Kat suggested them, but now it's looking much simpler. I'm definitely concerned by Rachel telling Dean "you've never popped bottles before", but I'll forego judgment because this looks like a great start to any date:
Even a three-martini lunch usually comes with food, based on what I've seen in Mad Men. But by all means, carry on!
Stage 2 for our intrepid picnickers is a ride in the Goodyear blimp! Rachel, excited, promises to hold a very anxious Dean's hand. He claims to be afraid of heights, which I can sympathize with, but I can't stop wondering if maybe there's a little Archer going on here...
Rachel gets a chance to pilot the blimp before talking Dean into taking a turn himself. It seems to help him relax a bit, and together they retreat to the stern for a celebratory snog.
Rachel's goal at dinner is to determine whether or not Dean is ready, at a youthful 25 years of age, to settle down and make a deeper commitment. After fielding Dean's question about her upbringing, Rachel turns the tables, and Dean talks about his mother's passing after a battle with breast cancer. Well...damn. Sorry, Dean.
After wrapping up the dinner table (it only counts as dinner if you eat food) portion of their date, some guy named Russell Stevenson serenades them in front of a romantic crowd of smartphone-wielding strangers:
Nothing makes me want to snog like knowing adolescents can watch close-up footage of it whenever they please.
Group Date: Alex, Anthony, Peter, Bryan, Jonathan, Adam, Matt, Kenny, Lee, Iggy, Eric, Will, and Josiah - "I want to see who's ready for commitment."
After the abnormally large group of 14 forms a dance circle for Rachel, with Jonathan and Lee flailing the most helplessly, she invites them to take their shirts off. This kicks off the looser, more inebriated stage of the group date: Peter goes Titanic with Rachel, Josiah cranks out 20 push-ups with Rachel on his back, and Kenny raps a few lines, prompting Peter to follow suit. I think Kenny won comfortably, but I'll let you decide:
The next stop is a Spelling Bee, and great potential for high comedy. Even better, they'll be judged by a panel of Rachel and some middle school girls. How'd they do?
- Adam spells squirt correctly
- Alex spells passion correctly
- Jonathan spells caress correctly
- Anthony spells schmuck correctly
- Will sails past euphoric
- Kenny mixes up the "g" and "n" in champagne and gets sent to "detention"
- Iggy spells boudoir "bourdeaux"
- Adam flunks the test
- Eric spells facade "physde"
- Peter starts coitus with "qui", so he's out
- Josiah, now one of the final three, gets an easy one with "stunning"
- Anthony, on the other hand, gets stuck with "boutonniere" and (understandably) gets eliminated
- Will (less understandably) stumbles on "physiological" by starting with "ps"
Josiah gets a shot at the championship, and correctly spells "polyamorous" for the win, and gets a trophy for his efforts:
I don't care if the plaque reads "Champions" (plural?). This carries about as much weight as an 8th-place ribbon for 1st grade Four-Square.
Group Date Cocktail Party
As silly as the trophy is, and as unimpressed as I remain with the words Josiah had to spell, he at least has the decency to drink from the trophy at the cocktail party. Knucks, Josiah.
Peter and Rachel share some white wine and she compliments him for freestyling on the boat. They discuss their shared willingness to move for the right relationship. Eric bonds with Rachel over their mutual appreciation of the simpler things in life, including takeout food and bad television. (Hey, I know all about bad television!)
Unfortunately, a drama-free evening may not be possible this early in any season of The Bachelorette. Iggy takes his concerns over Josiah's ingenuousness to Rachel, but describes him as someone who puts on some false bravado for someone he's romantically interested in. First of all, I haven't seen Josiah seem insecure or overly humble any time this season. Secondly, how would that be considered unusual?
Iggy returns to find Josiah complaining about some of the loose talk in the house, to which Iggy responds by telling him about his conversation with Rachel. Eric joins in on Josiah's side and makes some good points, but the best part of this drama is Josiah's confessional:
"With all due respect, Iggy's a bitch...he's the lamest dude in the house. He does drugs, he shoots steroids in his nuts, he confessed to all of us. "
Lee brags to Rachel about his overflowing positive attitude, prompting her to ask about his interaction with Kenny last week. Lee describes Kenny as "aggressive", which seems like a stretch, but Rachel's determined to ask Kenny about it himself.
Kenny makes a positive impression with a couple more bars before Rachel can ask about Lee's characterization of their dispute. He explains his side of the story, and when faced with Lee's allegations of aggressive behavior, counters by doubting Lee's honesty.
Back in the house, with a few more glasses of brown down the hatch, Lee's managed to add Peter to the list of men he makes uncomfortable.
As Bryan leads Rachel off the dock, Kenny moves to confront Lee, and we move into a "next week on" montage suggesting physical violence. (I wrote that before the episode ended, because it's that predictable.) (My next prediction: no punches thrown, no harm done.)
Here are some quotes to get us ready for the non-action coming our way:
- "Some people are not ever going to get along, Kenny doesn't respect Lee, and Lee, all he's gonna do is pour gasoline on the fire."
- "I don't give a damn about Kenny and Lee unless someone starts throwing punches, I ain't getting involved. that said, I will watch"
- "It looks lke there's a fight that's gonna happen. Blood's gonna be shed. It's freaking me the hell out"
That's all for Week 4! Check back next week for another recap, and please comment below with any ideas or suggestions you have for our Bachelor Franchise material.
This episode racked up just 30 drinks according to our Bachelorette Drinking Game Rules, but we'll have new and improved rules ready for next week. We here at QQ can't allow such performance to sully our reputation.
